Don't Down-Coach Your Clients.
As coaches, our primary role is to empower our clients, witnessing their evolution into the fullness of who they really are. However, there are moments when our own fears and insecurities can inadvertently hinder our client's progress. This phenomenon, known as down-coaching, occurs when we, as coaches, project our apprehensions onto our clients, inadvertently urging them to take the safer path instead of embracing boldness.
Let me illustrate this with a personal anecdote from my own coaching experience. During my coach training in 2008, I was receiving small-group coaching that was inviting me to think bigger, expanding what was possible. I found myself buoyed by their encouragement so I proposed a daring action—to quit my job on Monday.
Suddenly, the energy shifted. My boldness was met with apprehension.
The encouragement turned into cautious suggestions about creating a gradual transition plan and starting my coaching practice on the side. This shift in tone validated my deepest fears, and I recoiled from my boldness, leading me to retract into a cocoon of self-doubt for years.
What if, instead of succumbing to fear and down-coaching me, my coaches had dared to explore the exhilarating possibilities of my audacious idea? What if they had asked probing questions like, "What would that feel like?" or "How could you be even more daring?"
Such inquiries could have ignited a flame of courage within me, propelling me forward with unwavering determination. I call this "Up-Coaching".
Up-Coaching involves inviting the bigness of your client to come forth, even if it seems reckless at first glance. It's about asking probing questions that ignite their imagination and encourage them to push past their comfort zones.
To do this, coaches must resist the urge to down-coach out of our own fears and insecurities. Instead, we must cultivate self-awareness and self-management techniques to ensure that our clients' dreams are not stifled by our own limitations.
Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC, highlights how to do this in her book Breakthrough Coaching. She emphasizes the importance of aligning our nervous system to remain grounded and present in such moments. By cultivating self-awareness and practicing mindfulness, we can transcend our fears and create a space where our clients feel empowered to embrace the fullness of who they really are.
Our role as coaches is not to shield our clients from risk or uncertainty—enough people in their lives already fulfill that role. Instead, we are called to show up authentically, to bear witness to their aspirations, and to fan the flames of their courage. By embodying presence, and staying open to whatever arises for our clients, we invite them to boldly in pursue their wildest dreams.
#breakthroughcoaching #coaching #dontdowncoach #upcoaching #embodiment
Photo Credit: Bubble Boy / Touchstone Pictures
